Everyday I’m surfing, diving into the expansiveness of the ocean and playing in the waves, I’m also getting more and more comfortable in bigger sets. Next to my experience in the water as I become more confident surfing, I’m learning how to navigate the waves of my emotional life and realize again just how parallel these experiences are! Apart from being a total rush of adrenaline, surfing has been a powerful teacher for me: It has taught me how to face my fears, dissolve certain boundaries, to believe in myself and overcome my anxiety. As the waves get bigger, so does my capacity to handle personal challenges.

Surfing is an amazing way for me to be totally present in the moment and connected with life. The waves come in sets just like emotions and when they do I have to stay calm and focused, breathe deeply and keep on paddling towards the line up, knowing that the sets will come and go. It may sound strange as I’m on holiday and in such a beautiful place, but next to surfing I’ve been taking the time to sit with or “paddle through” the parts of myself that I don’t like and that I’ve been ashamed of accepting. Having no distractions from my daily life or ways to escape, feelings have surfaced and it’s time to let them go along with old stories and beliefs. In the past, I would have tried to avoid them, to numb my pain and deny that they belonged to me. The more I pushed them away though, the more power they seemed to have building up like a wave and jumping out when I least expected.

I think as human beings at some point we all suffer from disappointment, heartbreak, jealousy, betrayal, shame, fear, and sometimes even feel hatred. Somewhere inside there’s a voice that tells us we’re not loveable, that we’re flawed, unworthy and an outcast. It’s like a vacuum that can subconsciously affect our wellbeing, influence our actions and the way we relate to ourselves and to the outside world. So I’ve been asking myself, how can I integrate this dark corner of hurt without it acting out in my life and destroying the things I love? What is it telling me?

Little by little, I start to realize that underneath all these wounds there’s a kind of grief, an ancient sorrow that has been passed down through our lineage, through generations of conflict, of strife and struggle, as well as various traumas that have affected us in our own lifetime. Although these feelings are a part of us though, they do not define us! If we try to hide or deny them for fear of not being accepted they do more damage, because if we look deeper they are not there to control our lives or show us that we are flawed. Instead, these feelings are calling us to heal ourselves, to heal our families and future generations. Our healing begins by consciously accepting these darker aspects and giving them space, because when we do we distance ourselves by looking at them from a higher perspective. Without being entrenched in or controlled by them, we start to have compassion for ourselves and out of that place a bigger capacity to love emerges and an opportunity to transform takes place. Suddenly these feelings and stories no longer have power over us and we are free to let them go. What happens after is up to us…

For me right now, I start to feel a sense of lightness like a snake shedding its skin. Whenever inner resistance comes up, I go to what brings me back into balance, my breath, moving my body and being outside in nature. A feeling of freedom takes over as I let go of the attachment to my personal story, suddenly life becomes really simple and out of that a joy starts to rise up inside of me. I see beauty in everything like watching the sunset, but also just noticing the light being reflected on the wall. I become really quiet, my ambition melts away, I stop judging myself and my restlessness disappears. Instead, I feel a sense of gratitude and humility for the life that I have and a space opens up that I wasn’t aware of before. From there I can start to write a new chapter of my life.

Back to the ocean. Back home. Back to the essential. There’s something that happens when I’m back in my element that’s hard to explain. I feel a sense of peace and humility as I tumble, dive and surf. I land in my body while at the same time feel like a major part my identity or any stories that may be weighing me down dissolve completely. It’s a sense of absolute freedom and joy that I’m so grateful for. ***

There is something so powerful that happens through the body when we dance. We encounter ourselves and each other in a way that is beyond words. There are deeper resources and stories that we tap into and communicate through movement and through the ritual of gathering together to dance our stories, ourselves and the moment. The fragility of time, space and the fleeting moment makes it hard to capture this process; It can only be lived. We can honour it though through our awareness, attentiveness and by knowing that we are creating moment by moment….

These are the words that came to me after teaching my workshop Dancing The Moment last weekend in Berlin at Studio 44. It was particularly powerful this time and I felt a depth coming out of the work that I haven’t experienced before. I am so grateful for this process, how it is unfolding, learning how to guide and to hold the space for others. Everyone dove down, tapped into strong resources and the exchange was beautiful to witness. We were riding the waves…Thank you to all the participants for your bravery and trust and thank you to Constanza Macras and Dorky Park for making this event happen and for offering the space to us all! Inspired for the next one already – stay tuned!!! ***

Dear Friends I am honoured to be a part of this very special event in Berlin at Studio 44, the home of dance theater company Constanza Macras/Dorky Park. I AM WITH YOU(#1) is a series of performances and workshops held from July 10-13th. My workshop, Dancing The Moment will run from July 10-12th. If you are in Berlin, you are warmly welcome ***

“The idea behind I AM WITH YOU is to develop an artistic and theoretical research on interpersonal relationships by addressing various global issues through short performance formats programs and workshops by and with young artists from Berlin. A cycle of events curated by Constanza Macras that will summon, support and give exposure to the work of young artists from Berlin. Artists with distinctly strong and independent visions, ways of looking at the world, and a need to share them with a wide general audience.”